Wal-Mart Hates Women, You Should Too

Why does Wal-Mart, our nation’s largest and shittiest retailer hate women? Wal-Mart recently went on record as saying (but not really), “We hate women and we’re not ashamed of it.” Wal-Mart has driven a hard line in the sand between ½ of its consumer make-up with its decade long favoritism towards its male employees and a general disregard, and apparent distain toward its female employees. The soon to be ALL-MALE-SUPER-STORE-‘CAUSE-WOMEN-SUCK Arkansas based company now finds itself in “the largest class-action employment lawsuit” (CNN.com) in our country’s long-run capitalist history. Check out CNN’s coverage here.

Editor’s note: New “BUY WAL-MART, HATE WOMEN” t-shirts coming soon (but probably not).

Feeling Kinda Kinky

For the past week or so I’ve been treating my ears to some of the most admirable and refined music I’ve ever heard (and I’ve been here for 3 decades). The year was 1968. The band, The Kinks.

The Davies brothers (Dave and Ray) stray from their more typical, and universally known “British Invasion” rock and offer a storybook fantasy of an open-air park in Devon, England called The Village Green. The Kinks are the Village Green Preservation Society is a jubilant concept album that makes me want to book a flight to Devon, remove my socks and shoes, and jaunt through the grass in admiration that such a radiant place could exist. 15 catchy tracks, as timeless as they are profound are available (depending on the release) in either mono or stereo recordings.

Ranking at #255 on Rolling Stone Magazine’s list of the 500 greatest albums of all time, The Kinks are the Village Green Preservation Society clocks in at a quick 38:46, and demands an almost immediate follow-up listen. Without a hint of farce, I listened to this album 5 times on Monday alone. I want to quit my job, sell my belongings, and live within the open walls of The Village Green.

If I had a rating system, this album would be an 11 out of 10. By far one of the best albums I’ve ever heard.

Sanctuary Records released a 3 disc special deluxe edition of the album in 2004 containing the stereo version (disc 1) the mono version (disc 2) and a disc of rarities (disc 3).

Damn Yankees!

"Rooting for the Yankees is like going to the casino and rooting for the house."

- Doug Stanhope

Coveting

Coveting is a wet child angry to dry off. The same child who, 7 minutes earlier, was exhausted from panting to its mother to go frolic in the neighbor’s sprinkler. “We don’t have a towel“ she says, but that doesn’t put the cheese on the needy cracker. An adult coveting is not unlike the angry, sopping wet and annoying child. Sure, our needed and unavailable towel is evident, but the compulsive desire is still present. If I were to say, “Wow! Look at Tim’s bright shiny new thing!” Would I be unlike the desperate soaked lass? The truth is, that question cannot be answered, because I would never say such a ridiculous thing. Bright shiny new thing? Is there even a market for those anymore? I imagine, in some boarded up shack in the countryside of a Midwestern state, someone is desperately searching for the bright shiny new thing. I should send them a 60 watt light bulb. But would they get the point? Would you?

All Kinds of Wrongness: Shaq freestyling and dissing Kobe

The phrase of the summer curtsey of Shaq-fu: "Kobe how does my ass taste?"

Boston: The Best Sports City in the World!

Well, the title may be a bit misleading. But look at it this way. Within the last year, in 3 of the 4 major sports (Baseball, Basketball, Football & Hockey) Boston had either a championship win, or in the case of the (until then) undefeated New England Patriots, a championship appearance.

It started off with the Red Sox crushing the underdog hopefuls Colorado Rockies. The Patriots almost had their envious "perfect" season, but fell short (to the Giants of all teams! wtf!) Then last night, with a 39 point win, the Celtics put the nail on Kobe's coffin and sent him down river. 39 points!

Seems like the Bruins need to step it up next year. Expectation seems to be sky high in Massachusetts these days.

Congrats Celtics! Thanks for shutting Kobe up!

M.I.A. Follows The Dub and Quits While On Top of Her Game

On June 13, 2008 critically acclaimed Cult British/Sri Lankan star M.I.A. announced at the Tennessee love festival, Bonnaroo that she was then performing her last show. At the tender age of 30, this international phenomenon of worldly talents has given up singing to pursue 2 of her other innate talents: Art and her own clothing line.

I for one am a bit pleased that Mrs. M.I.A. (real name Mathangi Arulpragasam) is closing the book on her singing career. Both of her albums, 2005's Arular and 2007's Kala are damn near perfect in every sense of the word. With her departure at such a young age and on such a monumental pedestal, over time those 2 albums will become the stepping stones for other generations of musicians to follow and emulate.

Best of luck M.I.A. Say hi to Master Dub for us.

Yeah, I Figured That Much Loses A Son

Time breeds change. And change moves mountains. It is with deep remorse to publicly announce the unexpected departure of one of yeahifigured.com’s founding fathers, GDub.

As of June 10, 2008 fan favorite GDub has successfully broken all ties with Yeah, I Figured That Much and is off to produce his own solo projects that can be found at www.theshitbetween.blogspot.com. As co-founder of yeahifigured.com, my blessings for a better and well-rounded psyche go out to GDub, and I wish him both happiness and strength.

We were graced with GDub’s presence for 527 days, or 1 year, 5 months and 10 days. Best of luck GDub. May all your desires and aspirations come into fruition.

Growing Pains

The recent days have been filled with many-a-busy duty. Unfortunately, none have involved yeahifigured.com. As all of us here attempt to better, and further understand our personal lives, our exercises here at Yeah, I Figured That Much have not gotten their due attention.

As we continue to riffle through our own personal demons while dealing with our guilt ridden social shyness, we offer our back catalogue of delightful and cheeky periodicals of brief amusement.

Please bare with us as our IT department fixes our lengthy list of problems and check back soon.

Sincerely,

JDot
CEO & Co-Founder of yeahifigured.com

So Long

This extended hiatus appears indefinite. For me at least. A morass of guilt has bludgeoned me cold and lonely. I'm in need of detour. Or maybe a wayside.

Lately my attitude has cheapened progress and perpetuated animosity at the top. I feel like that stubborn block in jenga you deliberately wedge free as perspiration builds. Our tower was created with collective precision. And I don't want it toppled by blunt refrain. Ain't ready to rebuild, but I'm ready for change.

Best to my Crew, especially Dot. This collaborative is nothing without his heart. As black as it may seem sometime. Dude cares more than he cares to admit.

To fortune, focus, and the furtherment of Yeah. Cheers...I'm out.

And in the end
The love you take
Is equal to the love you make.

- Paul McCartney

Gunnin' Trailer

Oscilloscope Laboratories debut release Gunnin' For That #1 Spot movie trailer. Enjoy!

RIP Bo Diddley

Rock legend and monumental man of influential power Bo Diddley died yesterday. He was 79. Click here for Variety's article, and here for his Wikipedia page.

"Hey, Bo Diddley!" - Eric Burdon
"Bo Diddley's a gunslinger!" - Bo Diddley

Arrested Development THE MOVIE

Rumors, rumors, rumors. Click here for recorded talks about an Arrested Development movie. It seems as though all the cast members who were contacted are excited about the possibility, and Universal has yet to say no.

Keep your finders crossed indeed.

Some of the funniest shit I'VE EVER HEARD!

A coworker sent me this link about a girl breaking up with a boy in a letter. It's read in a mock dramatic acting style that would make Jon Lovitz proud.

Audio is required. (I can't stop listening to this!!)

http://youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupidreasons.ytmnd.com/

Quota Fulfilled

This site may very soon turn into my very own personal locker of self reflecting and opinionated view of negativity. With so much pleasure and wealth of joy this world endlessly produces, a home for pale faced grief seems, at least to me, welcome and directly warranted.

My advice, if that is indeed what it may translate into being, would be this: Focus and mentally document your vile and disgusting scowls of social disgust within the act of keeping it to yourself. Put on that expected happy face and continue to make others comfortable while you yourself walk the familiar path of distaste and hopeless excitement.

Tombstone Shadow

Obeying the lives outside of the ravaging pulse of social cleansing that's dubbed as Yeah, I Figured That Much has caused all who are involved to abandon our respected posts. It is our overwhelming position of sorrow and heartfelt regret that such a week long hiatus has found its inevitable placement upon this site.

We're sorry...we've been busy.

One of us is dying, one of our mothers are visiting from out of state, one of us has "the kids" this weekend, one of use has been busy at work, one of us is away on vacation, and one of us is getting married. But be-that-as-it-may, our collective neglect stands both unwarranted and ill-advised.

Please accept our deepest of apologies as we finish our collective time consuming personal duties known as "life" and review our options for a brighter and better Yeah, I Figured That Much tomorrow.

May God bless you all in this time of sorrow, and may your decisions be granted with thoughtful investigation and option considering knowledge.