Doomsday Seed Vault

SVALBARD, NORWAY - A remote island in the Arctic Circle will be home to millions of the earth's seeds in an effort to sustain life in the event of worldwide catastrophe. More than 100 nations could potentially contribute to the project that many see as necessary to human survival in the potential aftermath of all-out J. Dot - G. Dub war.

While that epic struggle is currently in detente, most feel a "hope for the best, prepare for the worst" attitude is prudent when it comes to those two. Expressing just this sentiment was Global Crop Diversity Trust chair Frybyrd, "They are nice guys, but one little comment from like five years ago can set either of them off. Best case they're ticking time-bombs. I don't want to think about worse case so were going to put a bunch of seeds underground just in case."

Those with the project have been careful not to notify J. Dot or G. Dub of their lofty intentions. "If they found out we were building this because of them, that would piss them off more than anything. So don't tell them about it, ok?" warned Grease.

The vault, which opened this Tuesday, had its fair share of construction problems along the way.

"I had some bags of seeds that I was taking out to my car for the project and all of a sudden G. Dub pulls into the driveway at 2 p.m. on a Monday out of the blue. I thought great, here goes all of humanities chances for any kind of future, but I made up some story about going to Goodwill. I don't think he believed me, but he seemed to be angry about something else so we all avoided disaster there."

Many have hailed the vault as a necessary and important step in a world that has grown ever-more cautious in recent years. " Norway's Prime Minister Jens Stoltenberg stated, "It is the Noah's Ark for securing biological diversity for future generations."

Some fear J. Dot and G. Dub may not be so willing to lavish praise on the project. Again, Grease, "J. Dot calls the other night and I can tell he's getting at something. He's 2,000 miles away yet he knows something is up. I can't tell if he's getting along with G. Dub right now or what. Cause if he is, and they make some kind of joint discovery, then it's goodbye world's seeds. Anyway, I just changed the subject to the Brewers and that seemed to get his mind off it."

Svalbard is cold enough that experts predict many seeds could last for 1,000 years - just long enough to outlast any potential World Warner III or Apocalypto.