Nathaniel Jones and the Last Crusade

CHATSWORTH, CA (YIFTM) - The search for the Holy Grail has ended. Dr. Nathaniel Jones has returned home. In his possession, the most sought after record in the history of vinyl - Onyx's BACDAFUCUP.

"I've got it and now it's going up on my wall," enthused Dr. Jones.

After countless archaeological expeditions that took Dr. Jones all over the world, the record was finally found and secured in Japan. It will take it's rightful place amongst a goldmine of vinyl in a museum in Chatsworth, CA. A scheduled unveiling of the artifact will take place on Friday, April 13th.

"I think Onyx would have wanted it this way, to present this historical document to the public on the most taboo of days - Friday the 13th," commented the exhausted, but elated scientist. "I've committed the last four years of my life to finding and preserving this record after losing it to an individual that I choose not to talk about...it's too painful."

Speculation is that Dr. Jones is referring to former colleague and friend, Charles Wagner. The two had been friends for most of their lives, but had a falling out years back on a joint venture to seek the last remains of San Diego rock band, Rocket From the Crypt. No one knows for sure what happened in that underground tomb as the lone eyewitness of the break-up was fellow scientist, Dr. Matthew Majaulivich.

Majaulivich said in October of 2005,"All I could see was the two of them arguing and shooting glares at one another." He went on to state, "I locked myself in the backseat of Nate's car, so I couldn't really hear what was said. All I know is that this had been brewing for years. Finally the volcano erupted and I just wanted to stay the hell out of the way of their hot, scalding molten lava, so to speak."

Two years prior to the break-up, Dr. Jones had given the only known copy of BACDAFUCUP to Dr. Wagner as a birthday gift. After the incident in San Diego, reports surfaced that Wagner sold the album on the black market to a buyer in Japan. Onyx had developed quite a following among the Japanese culture and this particular artifact was priceless in the eyes of many.

"Well, I can finally put that part of my life behind me," said Dr Jones, continuing, "I feel I owe it, not only to the founding members of Onyx, but to society in general, to display and educate the significance of this pioneering rap album."

A jubilant Dr. Jones addresses the media.