BREAKING NEWS
Gangsta: Trade Me
MADISON, WI (YIFTM) - In a stunning turn of events, Yeah, I Figured That Much columnist, Gangsta Warner has demanded to be traded to another website.
"I would like to be traded, yeah," Warner said in a radio interview with NPR news. "Tough as it is to come to that conclusion, there's no other alternative."
After resurfacing Monday from an extended vacation, Warner openly expressed gratitude to his fellow YIFTM columnists and announced his new found sense of commitment to the popular Internet site. It is apparent that the Gangsta has a had a change of heart, expressed most eloquently when asked if there were any conditions that could change his mind.
"No," Warner said. "I just wanted them to do the right thing."
Earlier in the day, Warner said site co-founder and self appointed emperor, J. Jerry, masterminded Gangsta Warner's absence from article posting.
"Y'all thought it was a vacation?," asked Warner. "Nah, that motherfucker took a way my admin abilities and with it the key to our friendship."
The issues between Yeah, I Figured and Warner have come to a boil over the last few months, when Warner objected to the direction the website began to take. Warner began to publicly voice his concern that the site was turning into a Milwaukee Brewers fan gathering and Mij worshipping puke fest.
Warner was left "beyond furious" by a report in the Capital Times that read, "as a YITS insider notes, it was Warner's insistence on getting away from articles and comments detailing the obvious superiority of columnist Beatbox that got them into this mess."
"I never said anything about Beatbox, or J. Jerry's constant homoerotic worship of anything Beatbox contributes," Warner commented. "I said all those things about Hennessy."
"Sure Beatbox and I had our issues," Warner told NPR. "So what! We always did and we still ran three marathons together. That doesn't mean that I have to constantly make public my admiration of him...like J. Jerry does."
And now Warner, who recently created a his own website, has made it clear to Yeah, I Figured That Much, that he may see fit to terminate his contract effective immediately. He also told NPR that he will not wait for Jerry to build a roster of writers around him.
"Promises made to make this site better have not been kept," Warner told NPR. "So where does that leave me?"
20 comments:
Just like I said about the "I'm too good for anyone but myself" Kobe trade talk, if you want to be traded then good for you. But who the hell is going to want your sorry ass?
You only keep coming back here because we're the only sorry sob's that'll forgive your past.
The same can't be said for your next team...
Right! On all accounts!
What's the name of your new site?
Teenage Kids on Safari.org?
Stephanie Hooters.com?
Out of Sight Poster Sale.com?
My Life in the Shadows of the Mij.gov?
Gangsta just needs to be serenaded with some Timberlake.
Do you own any sleeves?
Hot and Cold. Hot and Cold. Hot and Cold. Hot and Cold. Hot and Cold. Hot and Cold. Hot and Cold. Hot and Cold. Hot and Cold. Hot and Cold. Hot and Cold. Hot and Cold. Hot and Cold. Hot and Cold. Hot and Cold. Hot and Cold. Hot and Cold. Hot and Cold. Hot and Cold. Hot and Cold. Hot and Cold. Hot and Cold. Hot and Cold. Hot and Cold. Hot and Cold. Hot and Cold. Hot and Cold. Hot and Cold. Hot and Cold. Hot and Cold. Hot and Cold. Hot and Cold.
You can be traded to Earl Boykins's two on two team. He can play center.
"Here's a photo that shows my arms in a better light...now to write something."
(Photo taken at a model train convention.)
Yeah, real stunning. GW changes his mind more than I change the grease trap on my shower drain.
I'm not sure I understand what's going on in this article (or want to), so I'll continue to comment on the photo.
Dude's an off-center unicorn.
I dig the look on his face. He's saying, "I own this fucking town."
Actually it's G.W. standing in front of a Hollywood postcard.
Either that or this is GW's idea of a head shot.
What NBA jersey is that? You're covering up the lettering/number.
I like the Nervous Solo picture better. That one speaks volumes. That picture speaks so much you can't shut it up.
Beatbox--didn't you see the big headline and accompanying article on espn.com, entitled:
Kobe: Trade me
I wrote this post for you especially...oh well, another moment of misundertanding.
Sorry - Mij didn't have time to read ESPN.com all day on Wednesday - I'm a mere peon and do work at my place of employment. I get it now and it is as great as Kobe scoring 80! I honestly thought it was something insidey between you and L. Lippy - not meant for me. After hearing about Kobe it makes perfect sense. Somebody should post a link to the audio of that interview - too funny!
I was on a roll though w/ my comments Wed. night - those are too funny (to me at least).
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